Archive for December, 2005

Why Didn’t I Hear About This Program When I Really Needed It?

Allen December 23rd, 2005

Finally a taxpayer provided program that provides real value:  Norad’s Track Santa program.  Using state of the art military technology, the NORAD center tracks Santa as he enters American air space.

[Via The Officer’s Club]

Now If I Could Only Get This On My Amazon Wish List

Allen December 23rd, 2005

Can’t find the right game to purchase for Christmas?  Have you considered Monopoly: Eminent Domain Special Edition?

You may remember playing classic Monopoly as a youngster.
Sure the games took forever, but remember the fun you had buying
property, setting up houses and hotels? Remember the pride you took in
actually owning property and protecting that property from interlopers?

Well,
in the new Monopoly Eminent Domain Edition, you can take as much pride
in your property as you want, but remember - in today’s version, that
property is temporary.  Thanks to SCOTUS’ Kelo decision,
this new game version reflects the new American reality that, as long
as a developer wants your land and government wants more tax revenue,
your property can taken on a whim, and there’s not a damn thing you can
do about it!

Others in the Eminent Domain Game(Tm) line from Hasbro include:

  • Candy Land: All sweeteners are owned by the state.  Each player must ask  (or bribe) the legislators for their allotment.
  • Barrel of Monkeys: You must apply for a special, limited license for each monkey in the chain. Opponents may ask the monkey board to revoke your license if they have a bigger chain. (Pardon me.  Do you have a license for your minkey?)
  • Battleship: Your opponent may apply to the legislature to have their ships repaired at tax-funded dockyards.
  • Hi Ho! Cherry-O: Your opponent may seize your cherry orchard if they can convince the local board that they can produce more cherries, and thus more taxes, than you.
  • Hungry, Hungry Hippos: Strangely enough, this game does not need modification.

One Wonders What Okies Sang For The First 64 Years

Allen December 22nd, 2005

Charles notes that "jewelry is the gift to give".  Why?  Because it’s the gift you know can’t fail.

Non-Okies are probably scratching their head and wondering what we are talking about.  We are, of course, talking about the BC Clark Jingle — a staple of Oklahoma folk culture for as long as most of us can remember.

While many people know the song, few remember that it was actually re-recorded in 1977 to fit the standard 30-second time frame for commercials.  The deleted line was "The Christmas wish of B. C. Clark is to keep on pleasing you".  If memory serves me correctly it was just after the "since eighteen-ninety-two" line.

Fewer still know the names of the singers.  So few, in fact, that even the people of BC Clark don’t know.  I received this response when asking about the singers:

Allen,

Thank you for your email!  We actually do not know the names of the people who originally sang the jingle.  All that we do know is that it was sung by local talent in Dallas, TX where it was produced.  In 1977, when the missing line was dropped, the Jingle had to be re-recorded.  It was done again in Dallas and a couple of the singers happened to be some of the ones involved in the original recording.  The song was written by a gentleman named Al Fiegel in Oklahoma City.

Given that the original was recorded in 1956, I hope the singers weren’t hanging around the studio some 21 years later solely on the hopes that they would get a 2nd BC Clark gig.

So to some un-named group of studio singers in Texas, a  generation of Christmas shoppers (jewelry and otherwise) thank you.

Thanks also to Al, who won the Lowe Runkle Distinguished Service Award in 1956.  Al didn’t go on to write any other "blockbuster" songs that I was able to find.  Perhaps this one song was enough.

Who knows?  Perhaps Al’s little ditty will still be sung at Christmas 64 years from now.

Seasons’ Greetings

Allen December 22nd, 2005

I was rather quick in shouting for joy that the wireless card on the laptop was now working with Damn Small Linux — it died.  And given how busy I’ve been at work, I’ve been letting some draft postings pile up again.

<sigh>

Perhaps I can clear them out today and over the weekend.

In any case, Merry Christmas. 

Or Happy Hanukkah.

Perhaps Bountiful Kawanzaa.

Or maybe Relief-filled "Oh God! Oh God! The Sun is Dying! We’re All Gonna Die! The Sun is Dying! Oh Wait, It’s Tracking North Again" Day.

Thereby Excluding the 0.0001% Super-Super Geniuses

Allen December 8th, 2005

I read where Scott Adams of Dilbert fame wishes to poll only the Well-Informed Super Geniuses.

Scott reasons (quite rightly) that polling the mythical man on the street simply re-enforces what everyone thinks.

The only polls I want to see are ones that exclusively includes the people in the top .01% of intelligence who are also highly informed on whatever topics the polls include. Let’s call those people the Well-Informed Super Geniuses. If most of the people in that group have the same opinion, and it’s different from mine, I’m willing to change my opinion. After all, I don’t tell my doctor where to find my appendix. Why would I tell a Well-Informed Super Genius what to think about the global socio-economic implications of a particular foreign policy or monetary decision or whatnot? (The exception would be if he had some financial or other interest in the outcome.)

As far as I can determine, there are two problems with polling the WISGs:

  • Even WISGs can be mistaken.  Witness many times in scientific history when "everyone knows that….".  Everyone know it until a really, really bright one figures out what is really going on (until everyone knows that….).
  • The really well-informed super-super geniuses are probably keeping mum about what is really going on and capitalizing on everyone elses ignorance.

So a poll of WISGs simply picks up the blather-mouths WISGs.

Hacking The Telemarketers

Allen December 2nd, 2005

Dwayne proves once again he is delightfully evil.

Sometimes I feel that the customer support people have heard about what Dwayne is doing and getting back at all of us.  Cause you just need to reverse roles and keep the same level of mis-understanding for most customer support calls that I make anymore.

MY GOD!! IS THIS WHAT WE’VE COME TO???

Allen December 2nd, 2005

Americans torturing Americans?

Is this were we want to end up as a country?  Where we have Americans performing the following acts on fellow Americans?

  1. The Attention Grab: The interrogator forcefully grabs the shirt front of the prisoner and shakes him.

  2. Attention Slap: An open-handed slap aimed at causing pain and triggering fear.

  3. The Belly Slap: A hard open-handed slap to the stomach. The aim is to cause pain, but not internal injury. Doctors consulted advised against using a punch, which could cause lasting internal damage.

  4. Long Time Standing: This technique is described as among the most effective. Prisoners are forced to stand, handcuffed and with their feet shackled to an eye bolt in the floor for more than 40 hours. Exhaustion and sleep deprivation are effective in yielding confessions.

  5. The Cold Cell: The prisoner is left to stand naked in a cell kept near 50 degrees. Throughout the time in the cell the prisoner is doused with cold water.

  6. Water Boarding: The prisoner is bound to an inclined board, feet raised and head slightly below the feet. Cellophane is wrapped over the prisoner’s face and water is poured over him. Unavoidably, the gag reflex kicks in and a terrifying fear of drowning leads to almost instant pleas to bring the treatment to a halt.

And the sameful this is that this has been going on for a long, long time.

Just makes me……

disgusted?  No, that’s not quite right.
ashamed?  No, that’s not it either.
disillusioned?  Nope.
proud?  Yeah, that’s what I’m feeling.

Read the article above to learn all about that abusive torture. 

Personally, I would define torture as having to run one mile.  Cause this overweight programmer needs to work up to that. Does that mean running one mile is toture? 

Who defines what is and isn’t torture?  Cause something tells me that those who wish to "define down" torture didn’t attend the course described in the article.

Who watches the watchers??  What defines the definers?

Wow! I Was Kind of Shaky on 2 of Them

Allen December 2nd, 2005


You Passed the US Citizenship Test


Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 correct!

[Via baldilocks]

Third Base

Allen December 1st, 2005

Finally cleared out a bunch of draft posting that I really, really meant to finish up but never did find time to do.

How many?

I ‘dunno.  I’d say about 3 Brazilian.

Note: I’m a supporter of our President and his War on Terror Fascism, but some jokes are too good to pass up.