The Kelo Ramifications Roll On
Allen October 7th, 2005
I’m sorry to report that the Internet Zoning Commission has sent Iowahawk a notice.
Notice Dear Internet Citizen:
As an active member of the online community, you have likely noted with concern the decay that has plagued many of our once-thriving neighborhoods. URL domains that once hosted multi-million dollar e-commerce sites have become dilapidated pop-up ad districts; where once frollicked delightful dancing cyber-babies and hamsters, we now confront the disgusting violent squalor of L33T HaXoR ‘Flame War’ gangs. Not only does this decay reflect badly on our community, it creates a dangerous environment for our children and our browser caches. Worst of all, it has really bitten into our potential tax revenue.
Over and over again, we at the Internet Zoning Commission have heard your concerns. Now, thanks to the US Supreme Court’s landmark Kelo decision, we finally have the legal tools to reclaim our community from the sleaze merchants and MySpace punks. Starting today, we have earmarked the worst of these squalid areas — like the site previously occupied at this address — for immediate condemnation and demolition. The previous owners have been compensated fairly, receiving several 6-packs of Hamms above their site’s assessed market value.
As a private citizen, I’m outraged that I would like to applaud the civic-mindedness of our Internet Overlords and ask, upon bended knee, that they refrain from designating my site as one of the blighted zones. If they would simply let me know a convenient dropsite, amount and their favorite denomination, I’m sure we can arrange some sort of agreement.
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